Today's new game

So today has been an interesting, yet entirely boring day at work.

1st, current events. I'm a huge Dodgers fan, and the man in the middle, our big bopper Manny freakin' Ramirez got suspended 50 games. I love Manny, always have, since he was in Cleveland, even when he was with the BoSox. It's hard to hate a player who plays and looks like he's actually enjoying himself, mashing all the way. Now, with 50 games on the shelf for PED's (although not steroids, so he's safe from the A-Roid comparison) I have to say, what an utter dipshit. You don't put ANYTHING into your body without knowing fully what its going to do to you... Freaking jackass.

Now, to my personal stuff. I'm still on this self change kick. I have about 3 weeks up here, and I'm going to use this time to my benefit. I really want to change my mental so when I get back to my home town, I can take that shit over. I have a crew, I have a sweet car, I have a nice place to live (yea it's my parents, so what, more freedom there than in my own apartment, and as a bonus, no rent!). I know better how to manage my finances so I don't go broke and get this, I may be able to go out every weekend one night and make a social life for myself. I want to have fun.

I know I know, far cry from my usual bar hating self. The way I look at it, what has not going out gotten me so far? My favorite definition of insanity (chronicled on this site before) is "Insanity is performing the same things repeatedly, while expecting different results" Well, by golly, if that's the definition, then lock my crazy ass up! So, while the change out here has been overall a positive (all while feeling oh so negative) I want the next stage of my life to be the best ever. The stage where I get back to school, meet new people, have fun and become the awesome me that I know exists.

I have been reading a lot, as is my general thing to do, mainly about sports and games as usual, but also about being positive and meeting women and getting ahead in life, you know the things I've been bitching for years because they haven't happened for me. Well I do now realize that it's not going to just happen, I gotta get my ass in gear and get it to happen.

One of the better sites I've found in my searches is called the positivity blog. It's written by some odd looking Swede, but it's got all sorts of fun little posts, factoids and essays about living a more positive life, changing your outlook and getting things accomplished. I want to be a do'er. I've been a reacter for a very long time, I consider my ability to adapt to be very very strong, since I'm an intelligent guy. Now it's time to put this intelligence, ability to speak and general charm out there in a more proactive way. Unfortunately it does mean some changes, which fortunately won't be so hard to make. I want to get away from negative people and negative things, I want to shape my own life in a good way, as opposed to letting other people and their perceptions and doubts get in my way. The biggest thing NH has done for me is help me realize that I was being negative, and surrounding myself with negative people. Buzz Killington's if you will. Yes, I love that term.

My first goal is this. Every morning, instead of waking up saying FUCCCKKKK I don't wanna work. I'm going to think of why today will be good, and what I can do to make things good. Whether it be going to the local park to watch some baseball, or just hanging out with some good buds having a couple beers or going out and hitting on the hottest women in Albany, because well, I'm awesome and I should be hitting on the best of the best. I won't get anything accomplished if I start every day on a down note, so why not flip it, and see if I can start every day on a positive!

That won't be easy, I'm not really a morning person, I generally hit my stride around 3pm, and wanna just rule the world until I pass out around midnight. I'm hoping this positive thoughts thing will make my mornings a little better, well at least until I can move to San Diego where it's 75 and sunny everyday, and I'm only an hour away from mecca... I mean Dodgers Stadium.

I know this may come as a bit of a shock to people who've read my rants before, but it's also part of this new outlook. I have faults, everyone does, but in the grand scheme of things, I'm pretty excellent, and I'm not letting the bullshit bring me down. Things can either be good, or not worth my time, why be sad over things I can't control? I wanna be done with the sadness and self pity, again, it wasn't getting me anywhere, and I think this new approach will have some strong overall consequences.

Anywho, I'm rambling a bit, so I'm going end this. I will make an effort to keep this more regularly update with progress and thoughts and insight into my transformation. If you see anymore whinging or crying on here, just call me and remind me that I can do better for myself, or point me in the general direction of here, I'm sure it will do wonders.

Later,

PMack